On Love and War

Let me preface this post by commenting that socially I'm pretty ... awkward? Maybe just inexperienced is the better term, regardless I am still trying my darnedest to work out this whole boy/girl game we seem to devote so much headspace towards. So at the tender age of 27, I find myself making realizations that many of you have (or at least believe you have) mastered years ago. I like to believe that a few extra years getting into the game has given me the chance to put some perspective on things. Or I could be completely full of BS.

Like any good story, this one begins with a girl. A young woman, actually, that I work with. She's funny, energetic, and cute as a bug's ear. And everybody knows it. This creates a problem. At least, it does in my sophomoric approach to the matter. The problem is that it feels as if there is a competition for her attention and eventual affection.

Each of my young male co-workers seems to be smitten with her to varying degrees, plus a few customers and at least one other fellow she has mentioned. Now, again I will stress that maybe this is just me (though I doubt it), but it seems like I have to measure up against her other suitors. He's better looking, but I'm more intelligent and articulate. This guy's funny, but I have more money. And so forth and so on.

This situation works the other way as well. "Hmm, I like this girl. She's fun and smart, but the other one is better looking." Even for the young lady in question I don't think she realizes what she is doing. I feel certain she doesn't realize how much she tugs at the heart strings at the young men around her, but does she even know what she is looking for? Is she comparing between those of us who pursue her while we seek her affections? I guess the real question is when did this whole love thing become one giant tournament?

I just don't believe we need a ranking system to get in on the love game. Finding a "soulmate" should never come down to comparing people against each other and/or a list of criteria. Shouldn't we be happy finding someone we can be comfortable around in our own skin? I guess this is the point where euphemisms like "chemistry" and "we just clicked" work into the discussion. But, I think it goes beyond that. There are people who immediately find a connection, who "click". However, some people may grow into a comfortable relationship with one another. And who says that isn't love?

Ultimately, I think our whole system, like most man-made systems, is flawed. So many of us weigh ourselves and potential mates against these ideals we have in our heads. Things like looks, money, shared interests, intelligence, and humor all have a place, but consider how you make new friends. We naturally gravitate towards people who have traits we admire as friends. Could finding love work in a similar way?

Take this scenario. Instead of seeking out people who meet a predetermined number of checks off of our lists and then focusing on them, competing with other suitors for their attention, we just love those around us as friends. As these relationships grow and deepen, we learn who we can trust; who we can be ourselves around. We may even learn a thing or two about BEING ourselves. Eventually, we find that special someone who can accept us, who we feel comfortable with. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter that she's not a huge Star Wars fan, or for that matter even seen it before. You know why? Because she loves you just the way you are.

Things could work out that way. Or, as I said before, I could be full of BS. What do you think?